Really Though…

Talk about a self fulfilling prophecy. A few post in and BAM! I leave this adventure unfinished. But you can relax now, I am back but who knows for how long. I don’t, but I will write as often as i remember to. Also I have some other blogs to catch up on. Also, who isn’t excited about 5e. I am currently in 4 games now and I am loving it. This is all for today. 

 

Bye Bye!!!!

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Waffles

You’re at your girlfriends house and her parents aren’t home. Both of you are on the couch when there is a knock at the door. Your girlfriend answers but shes been at the door for quite a while now. So you go see what’s taking her so long. Cops. 3 cops are at the door talking to her when you approach and one turns to you.

“Do you know about a Mr. Grick harassing Amber?”

“Uh, yeah the guy’s a creep”

“Well we just had a conversation with him about the matter and about the murder of Harmony Ridder.”

Bullshit you think, you know he’s dead. You saw her kill him for sure, so what are they talking about. 

“Do you like waffles?” the cop asked.

“Uh, yeah.”

“So you know about Mr. Grick and the poetry he was sending her?”

“Yeah they guy was a perv always trying to get her to come to his house.”

Amber shoots me a look.

“What’s your name?”

“I’m Dexter, her boyfriend.”

“So you do like waffles knife?”

Wait what, did he just say knife? When he says knife I remember and when I look at Amber she shoots me another look. They know.

“Alright we just needed to get some more info about Grick so we can put him in cuffs. If you remember something, even the smallest detail don’t hesitate to give me a call. I’m Detective Maguire.”

Amber smiles and closes the door.

“What the hell Dex?!”

“What?”

“We both know Grick is dead and that that was total bullshit but they have no proof we were there. All you have to do is keep your mouth closed and they can’t prove anything.”

“W..I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t but it was all over your face!”

“Well do you think they know it was us. They were just here, they have to know.”

“No, they just found out Grick was hitting on me and that’s all they need to know.”

This is to much, all I wanted to do was tell this perv to stay away from Amber things just got out of hand. I need to sit down. 

You go to the dining room and sit at the table. Amber goes to get you a beer and all of a sudden Thwack! There is a ninja star in the table in front of you. There is something written on it. 

‘I Know’

Amber comes in the room and when she sees it she freaks out. She asks me to check the back yard. 

“Fine” I say moving to the sliding door that leads to the back porch. 

I stick my head out and then nothing. When my eyes open I see the cop, the asian lady and she is dragging me down the driveway. My head is killing me. The big cop steps out of the back and starts pulling me into the car.

I see Ambers mom she can help me. 

“Mrs. Sm…i.th”  I’m dizzy.

The tall cop get out of the car and starts talking to her, now I’m sat up in the back seat next to the big guy. He says nothing the asian lady sticks her head in and she points to my truck and sticks her hand out. After awhile I figure she wants my keys. The big guy looks at me and I give them to him. The tall cop the one with the coat gets back in. He asks if I am hungry and he starts driving. 

“What are you…what am..What?!”

“Hey Bat-Man, you hungry? How about Sud’s Burger.”

The big guy says nothing. 

“Hey Dexter, do you like waffles?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Me too, I like mine with blueberry’s.”

“Hey Bat-Man don’t you think waffles are knife, I think they are very knife. Especially with blueberry syrup. Don’t you think waffles are knife Dex?” 

“Are you guys cops.”

“I am, Bat-Man back there is just a witness. I brought him along for the ride. You see he’s a concerned citizen but he his thinking about becoming a vigilante. But I keep telling him to leave it to the cops. You know, cause when people take the law into their own hands people get stabbed in the eye.”

“What?”

“I was just telling Bat-Man that you can’t go around and clubbing people in the head with a baseball bat. It’s Wrong. Because when people take the law into their own hands people get stabbed in the eye.” 

Oh my god they know. They totally know. Do they think I did it? I didn’t do it! 

“What do you guys want, I like to know before I get to the window. I can’t stand people taking all day to figure out what they want, but I don’t always eat fast food. It’s not good for you. I like to cook my own food but after a hard day a knife juicy burger just hits the spot. You know what I mean Bat-Man? After a hard day of work sometimes you don’t want to cook. You just want to relax and knife burger is just what you need.”

He ordered the food an I didn’t even tell him what I wanted, he got 4 of the same thing and a strawberry milkshake.

“So you likes waffles Dex? Everyone likes waffles. You like waffles, Bat-Man likes waffles, I like waffles, and even guys in prison like waffles. You know what else guys in prison like? Young guys like yourself Dex. Do you want to be a waffle Dex?”

The big guy takes my fries. 

“I didn’t do it, it was all her! I just went there to tell the creep to stay away from Amber. I just wanted to tune him up a little bit but things got out of control and Amber helped me. She stabbed him in self defense. 

“It’s not self defense when you were there to do something illegal! Now if he came to her house and she stabbed him, then it is self defense. This is what I’m talking about Bat-Man! When people take the law into their own hands, people get stabbed in the eye!”

“But I use a bat, it’s blunt.”

“Shut up!”

“Now this kind guy who was just trying to defend his girlfriend is going to go to prison and probably get stabbed or become a waffle. All because he wouldn’t let the cops take care of it. Grick could of been in prison probably getting stabbed but now it’s the kid.”

 

And that folks is what happened in Wednesday’s game of Streets of Bedlam from the perspective of NPC Dexter. Waffle. That game was so much fun, even more fun then last week because this time I didn’t get hit with lumber thrown by a huge construction worker. Waffles. The actual conversation was much longer and happened really quickly ending with kid crying and eating his burger. Many waffles were talked about after and I found out the Construction Worker Raymond Solice has friends in high places namely the Church and through means that aren’t technically legal but not illegal for me, I determined he didn’t do it he just helped cover up the murder.

No gun fights but when I can ramble a confession out of the DM it is amazing. Bat-Man, who is called that because he is a vigilante that came to my aid with a baseball bat and much like Casey Jones he carries a duffle bag full of sports equipment. He is played by Dream and I gave him a hard time this game.

Last game he came to my rescue, he drove his own car to the construction yard and on the way to talk to the victims Aunt, I gave him a few bucks and dropped him at the bus stop. But he knew where we were headed. So when we met there I made sure to have him ride with me that way I can keep an eye on the vigilante and during the next game I can do it again. I think I may try and make it a thing I do. It’s a fun way of getting a vigilante out of a cops hair without derailing the story. 

If you haven’t played Streets of Bedlam, give it a try. If you’ve played a Savage World game before then all you have to learn is the classes and background stuff. If you’ve never played a Savage World game before give it a try, there are plenty of settings and I’m sure at least one of then will suit you. 

Revolutionary

Okay folks, this post is about Luke the Bard, my character in my Sunday D&D Next game. Our DM often uses a loot generator for the loot we get that isn’t important for plot. So we end up with things like opal, garnet, azurite, smokey quartz, and in our case 21319 copper pieces. Now according to D&D 4th Edition a copper piece weighs 1/50 of a pound. Well, joking around Luke figured that you could just melt the copper into statues and sell them for gold. Well with 21319 cp that is a bit more than 420 pounds of copper. If each statue weighs around 2 pounds that is 210 figurines. Then my brain went to work and I figured we could just make the figurines hollow in order to make more. Now this is were things get a little strange/perverse. Look at my train of thought:

What would these figurines be of?

Women.

dudes could totally whack it to them and we could sell them for a good amount of coin. Yes, I am sure there was porn then just not as accessible as it is now. This can be like playboy, we can even make molds of different women. A new one for every season.

Hmm… hollow women figurines.

Well…

Well what?

They are hollow.

No.

Yup, dudes could totally…you know.

Ugh…but.

But?

But, if that is the case then we could sell them for even more!

You see people, a perfectly good waste of a brain. I could be trying to cure disease in my fictional world instead I became hell bent on creating medieval Flesh Lights. Of course flash lights were not in every home but figurines and statues were. Then I had a conversation with DM John. It went something like this (Exerpts from Skype IM):

Hey John, I have an odd question. Do patents exist in out Next adventure?

lol don’t think so but maybe

Ok, well I have an idea about the game and I think it may potentially make Luke and the others a bit more wealthy but it has little to do with the actual game and I don’t know how much longer the game will be but I feel I should pursue this course of action

I do believe that Luke and the others should enter the Sex Toy Market well at least establish the patent and then sell that patent to a Dwarven Clan. I had the idea of dealing with our copper by melting it down and casting it into hollow lady statues.

WOW

but I figure why actually do it when  can prove I was the first to think of it on paper

and then just sell the paper to Dwarves

Then the world would have Dwarven forged Flesh Lights and they dont skimp on quality

sure dwarves could do that

That could be Luke’s Legacy

Which in this case could be even greater than Maulers cause you can put your dick in it

fewer frustrated and sexually repressed teens = fewer religious fanatics

I even wrote a short jingle

Then I went on to type out the jingle and we had a few laughs then I went full business mode. I worked out how I could make this happen. After a few minutes of discussing this he agreed that it could work.

Oh and if you were curious about the jingle, ask me. I just have to tell you, Luke is the Bard not me.

Just think of the enchantments!

Cops and Robbers

This week, Wednesday to be precise I played Streets of Bedlam. Streets of Bedlam is a game that uses the Savage World system. In the game, I play a Badge (Cop), Michael Maguire.

noir

Streets of Bedlam

Its a fun game where blood loss is measured in gallons. Imagine a combination of Sin City, 40’s Hard Boiled detective movies, Boondock Saints, and other favorites. It is DM’d by DM John and I play along sides Tex who plays Erika the Valkyrie (Prostitute) and Dream who plays Hank the Samaritan (Vigilante).

In one game I chased a criminal, examined crime scenes, got hit with a pile of lumber, broke the news of a death to 3 people, entered a house without a warrant (I thought I heard a call for help inside), told 2 people to freeze, followed 1 red herring, and discovered a crime scene covered in blood that belonged to 2 people who were not the resident/suspect. I had SO MUCH FUN!

That covered the cop portion of the title, the robber part just happened. On my nieces spring break my brother got her Horse*Opoly. I played with my sister, my niece and my nephew. My nephew is 8 and I figured that this would be a great opportunity to teach him the ways of money counting. A little flim flam later and he was in tears. Me and my sister had made a deal that covered the original Monolopy’s Tennessee, New York, and St. James.

Well my nephew saw how lucrative the deal was and wanted to make one with us. Well, we looked at each other and the flim was about to get flammed. We agreed to go in on hotels or barns as it is called in H*O and due to this we could all go around it for free. Well when he got to New York and had to pay that outrageous fee, he cried. Apparently he thought that since we were all in cahoots that he could pass ours 3 Oranges for free. Well boy was he steamed when he found out that was not the case, next time nephew read the small print. Until the next time, he got an expensive lesson in Monopoly.

Now the reason all this deal making was going on was because my niece was wrecking us! She was becoming a real Horse Czar and a real pain in our sides. We started this game before 7 o’clock and as some of you may know, Monopoly can go on for days. So at 10 o’ clock we decided to count up the money. At the end I came in 3rd place, my sister came in second, and my niece won the game by beating my sister by $183!!!! While we were schooling my nephew she was schooling us. So she was the real robber, making out like a bandit. Maybe she could teach me a few lessons when it comes to flim flammin’. The student has surpassed the master, I bow to thee.

Beauty Is In The Eyes Of The Beholder

Before Sunday’s game DM John asked if there was a monster we would like to fight because after we finish this campaign we are going to switch to another system. Well, my choice was a giant animal,  preferably the frog. I don’t know what it is about the giant animals in the bestiary but I think they’re the Displacer Cats Pajamas. So this week to our surprise the BBEG at the end of the dungeon was an Beholder aka The Eye Tyrant.

Beholder

This is not the first time I have fought a Beholder but DM John dropped a little surprise. The Eye Tyrant had minions. As most of you will know the Beholder has many eyes, each with its own ability. His minions were tentacled eyes, each having an ability of one the Beholders eyes. So the minions and the Beholder were quite an issue. The monk ran, being the first one to see it. When he panicked I used an Invisibility spell. At first we were a bit freaked out. It was not just a Beholder but Beholder minions. It was basically 2 Beholders, except one broke off into individual eyes.

After the brief panic we said fuck it and attacked guns blazing.  Funny thing was, Dayth the Monk was the first to see it but he also took the most attacks from both Beholder and minions. I have never before seen so many good rolls in a row. The entire game I couldn’t roll over 16 with modifiers but he succeeded on every save. It was unbelievable! The luck of this monk.

Hells blazes I envied those rolls. In both the Saturday and Sunday games my rolls have been laughably low. Seriously, I must have angered the RPG gods in some way. But if things continue to follow the same pattern and my rolls stay low, this may be the end of both Elban Thohan and Luke Avant-Gardenia. I’m thoroughly freaked. So I ask you, any who may happen upon this post. How do I get back in the good graces of the RPG Gods? What should be my penance for a sin unknown?

P.S.

The guy who asked for the Beholder was Mike/Dimbiddle the Gnome Wizard.

Thanks Mike, seriously.

Wrench In The Works

I played D&D Sunday and things got a bit strange. This is the first time I’ve seen DM John sweat. We were carving our way through his dungeon like usual and then Sawfang the Barbarian did some massive damage on one of his monsters. After we finished the monster off we had a bit of a talk about the Barbarian being over powered. We all know Barbarians are supposed to be putting up the numbers but in that game he did triple digit damage with just 2 attacks (As one action!). Which is ridiculous, especially when you consider that he is level six.

So after we went over his character sheet and the rule book and our rules lawyer had a go, we determined that his character was 100% LEGIT!!!! Yes he has a magic sword but if you remember we are going after a dragon and its magic is only useful on them. Other than the anti-dragon enchantment it is just a +1 magic sword. We figured that with the combination of his feats and Barbarian Powers/Skill (Talents?) that he is just too strong.

So, what the hell? I play a bard and for the most part I do a hell of a job keeping up buffs and granting advantage against our foes. I also act as a back up healer, as is my job. But with Sawfang on the front lines there is usually very little baddies left for the rest of us. So DM John had to take a step back and reevaluate his tactics. Normally one would just say add more HP or add more monsters. But, most of his monsters are already homebrewed due to the groups ability to mow down most of the D&D Bestiary foes he puts in our way.

We took out a whole flock (Is it flock? Gaggle? lol) of wyverns in like 3 rounds. So even after tweaking his monsters we finished off the nights part of the dungeon with minimal injuries and in almost record time. I’m sure he has a lot of thinking to do. My heart goes out to DM John and all other DM’s who share this problem.

Image

As just a player I can kind of understand how hard it is on DM’s to keep some sort of balance. I’m not saying that it is easy to plow through his obstacles but when the group is working together we are pretty efficient (Hells, we have split the party like 3 times now!). I know he is trying to make things challenging without wiping the entire party. But finding the sweet spot between easy and death can’t be easy. But I have confidence in my DM and I’m sure that he will figure out way to kill a couple of us off before we face the Big Boss.

R.I.P. Toki.

It should have been Dayth. LOL

The Last Stand

Hey guys, in the intro I talked about writing a few stories. Well this is one of them. it is mostly dialog and since I am not a writer I figured the best way to write it is how I did. I am sure there are better ways to do it but here it is pasted fresh from my Google Docs.

The Last Stand

This short is about three friends making their last stand against a seemingly never ending wave of zombies. Luke, Ally and Marko have survived together this far and figured that if they are going to go down at least its together. Here’s The Last Stand.

L: Hey, what the fuck! Short bursts man, you’re wasting bullets.

M: Look its my gun I’ll shoot it how I want.

L: Well I think my way is going to keep us alive the longest.

A: Will both of you just shut the fuck up. Jesus, we are about to be eaten alive and you’re arguing about bullets. Look if he kills them than its good.

L: Well lets see, were backed into a corner and this stupid mother fucker is knee capping zombies.

A: What the fuck Marko?

M: What, you can’t get head shots all the time I’m slowing them down. Look, what would you rather have a bunch of walking or running zombies coming at you or a shit load of crawling ones.

L: Well if you shot them in the face then they would be dead and not crawling and if you fired in burst then maybe you could actually hit a fucking zombie.

A: Shit you two look, this is our last bag of ammo and these guys are going to keep on coming, we need to move.

L: Yeah ,well you grab the bag and we’ll climb out of here on the mound of Marco’s crawling zombies.

M: Wait, I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or coming up with a plan.

L: I was being sarcastic you dumb ass.

M: Well, you might want to work on that, it really is hard to tell.

L: Yeah, I’ll work on it. Dip shit

A: Well… he has a point, it really is hard to tell when you’re being sarcastic. Your problem is that you’re too monotone when you speak.

L: Fuck you guys, I’m fighting for our lives and you guys are critiquing my speech.

M: Well bro, you don’t want to meet Saint Peter and have him thinking you’re a total smart ass and send your monotone ass straight to hell

L: Fuck you Marco

A: See that’s what I’m talking about, what you need is to like, fluctuate your voice. You know high and low based on your conversation. Seriously, Luke talking to you is like talking to a manically depressed robot.

L: Well, sorry for being a depressed robot you know with the whole zombies trying to make me a meat platter and all. How is this for you guys. Me Luke me shoot you in ass if you DON’T SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SHOOT THESE FUCKING ZOMBIES.

M: Geez bro no need to get upset, we’re just trying to help.

L: Well thank you Number 2 and Number 10, which is what you’ll be if we keep talking about bullshit and loose focus on killing these zombies.

M: Man, so serious. Lighten up

L: Yeah sure, hey zombies, you know what. You’re just trying to kill me and eat me alive, nothing wrong with that. Its nature, so if you would please make it quick and painless I’ll just lay here AND WAIT FOR YOU TO EAT ME.

M: Fine we are dropping it.

A: Yeah, Luke pull that stick out of your ass and try killing zombies with it.

M: Holy…shit, that was too funny.

A: Almost no ammo, Marko make it count.

M: Kay, hey guys.

L: What is it Marco?

M: I love you guys.

L: Fuck man, dude we just have to kill these last hundred zombies without getting bit, scratched, and keep their fluids out of any part of our bodies. We got this man.

A: Yeah, we got family across the border waiting for us, we just have to…

M: Right, right.

L: What else do we have in the bag?

A: Uh, watch my back

L: Always

M: Always

A: Um, .38 snub nose and Marco.

L: Wait, what?

A: Marco, did you put fucking Nunchucks in the bag.

M: Uh…you see, what had happened was it was between them and the katana and that wouldn’t have fit in the bag.

L: Dude, those are yours, you better fucking use them.

M: Fine.

L: How many bullets for the snub nose.

A: Half a box

L: Who the fuck used half a box of bullets.

M: Well, remember Subway.

A: You went to Subway?

M: Yeah like 2 days ago

L: So, what did you find.

M: Well no subs, of course. But, there was a jar of pickles and some zombies.

A: Wait, I don’t remember any pickles.

M: Yeah, I kind of dropped them when I was shooting the zombies.

L: Wait when was this.

M: A few nights ago. What I was hungry

L: So you went to FUCKING SUBWAY, BY YOURSELF, AT FUCKING NIGHT!

M: Yeah, so?

L: Ally.

A: Yeah.

L: GIVE HIM THE NUNCHUCKS!

M: Dude, come on.

L: You went to subway and only got pickles which you dropped using bullets from our stash.

M: Well I got a 2 pickles.

L: Ally, nunchucks.

A: Wait you got 2 pickles and ate them. Both.

M: Well…

L: Jesus Marco what the fuck happened.

M: Dog

L: What?

M: I gave one to a dog

A: FUCK MARCO

M: He looked hungry

L: SO DO WE, everyone is fucking hungry and you gave it to a dog.

M: Bro, you didn’t see the dog.

L: You know what I don’t care but I have a feeling the you’re going to tell me anyway.

M: Hey man it had a look in its eyes, OK. I was cheesing it out the back of subway and when I lost those dead fucks. I was headed back and boom dog. Looking me right in the fucking eyes man. I tried to ignore it but the fucker just kept staring into my eyes. Don’t judge me man you don’t know

L: I don’t know, I don’t know. You got stared down by a fucking dog.

M: Hey, it was big.

A: Really Marko, how big

M: Big enough to rip off my nutsack. Besides, it looked at me like it knew something, you know.

L: Yeah it knew that you were a dumbass and it was trying to figure out if you would give it both pickles.

A: Shit guys, we are out of ammo.

A: I just loaded the last few clips. This is it.

M: Shit.

L: Alright, lets kill these bitches and go home.

LAM: Lets do this.

The End

I was going to elaborate more about their actions while they were talking but you know just imagine them shooting while talking taking a few shots here and there. Most of the time Ally was reloading while doing a bit of shooting herself. In my head they were literally backed into a corner. Most of their family had crossed the border with the convoy and people had to be left behind so they volunteered. As for what happened to them. I will leave that up to your imagination. Though Marko did eventually use the nunchucks. Let me know what you think of this short. I wasn’t too sure about leaving it like this but it seemed to work.

Later Days